I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
