i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
