At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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