my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you mean i was at the winter classic?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We had sex on a dog bed..
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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