Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
