Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
