Who wears a wallet chain?!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
