I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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