I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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