Buhtt sex?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
