This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
