Can i not drive my cunt home
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
