so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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