successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
