Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
