I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
