Jerry, you need to find god
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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