went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
