There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
