I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
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At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
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It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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