I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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