1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sponge bath it is.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
