My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
