Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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