you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
what day is it and did you see me today?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Randomize