that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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