i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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