Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
