My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize