I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
