evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
