My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Found the puke drawer
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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