My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
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Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
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Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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