Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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