she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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