my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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