just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
