thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
