Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
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