My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
