If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
honey bunches of taint.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
