And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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