he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
