My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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