he shaved USA in his pubs
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
