I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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