My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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