I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
