I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
