just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My ATM looks so different sober.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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