I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
