i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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