Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
only you would photoshop your dick
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
