I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
