So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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