I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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