the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
