Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
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Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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