my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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