...so i touched it.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
