Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
