she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
